The Genius in Sadness
by littleellie30
Summary: "She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum." What if...? Daniel has quit the stargate program after the death of Shau'ri. What next? What if...? A thief crashes a tel'tac into earth? What happens? AU!
1. Prologue

A/N: I know I have two stories to finish so it makes no sense to start a new one! However, I haven't been very well for some time now which means my concentration is up the left making it hard to write. This has been floating around over my illness so when I can I write.

To Katie for her patience and to Daphne for her consistent encouragement. Bless you both.

Disclaimer – Ah come on! I know I don't own this – you know that already!

**The Genius of Sadness**

**Prologue**

"She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum."

― Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

**Daniel – When the Bottom fell out of the World **

What do you do when the world breaks down around you? Do you stand in the corner or do you hide in the shadows? Do you face the hoard with a brave face reciting your story over and over again? Daniel looked into darkness of the infirmary and for once he did not want to look anywhere near the light. It was all there in his mind's eye. Her body now rested on the slab with Jack and everyone else looking on with sympathy. Shau'ri was dead and nothing in the world could change his grief over that. He could not look anyone in the eye and feel joy. The Stargate had driven that from him. Any joy that had been there for finding Shau'ri was now gone. All his love for exploring new worlds and possibilities were now dead. As far as he was concerned the Goa'uld was someone else's problem. They had taken his love, raped her mind, her body and then Teal'c had stolen her life.

First as he had kidnapped her away for Apophis and then with one shot for her life. He didn't need to do that! They had made an alliance with the Tok'ra! They could have removed the 'snake' from her head and as such had removed the darkness. He could have saved her! Now even that was stolen. Daniel looked out into darkness of the ward of the base infirmary and came to one decision - he had to leave the program. This quest for exploration was no longer his goal. He would bury his wife and leave the program that had brought them together and, in the same way, tore them apart. He would let no one would change his mind.

**In Another W****orld... Many Stargates away…..**

The fight out of the rather dingy bar had been, well, it had been boring really. Shoot this, duck that and all because a girl was a little, well, a lot drunk and whilst very drunk, she tried to pick the pocket of a guy who also happened to be first-prime-of-some-great-system-lord with a stick where the planets don't shine. Really it was a little bit of an accident! 'I slipped and your money happened to be in my hands' type scenario that happened accidentally on purpose. Oopsie! What is a girl to do? So, one dark haired, rather fabulous looking thief was running for her life down the first street like a bat out of someone's, well the polite phrase could be mik'ta, praying that the space port had an unlocked Tel'tac ready and waiting to be hot-wired out of there. This process also involved much colourful language which really is unbecoming in a situation like this but ever-so therapeutic when cursing your own ineptitude for getting a) caught in the act and b) getting so very drunk to let it happen in the first place. Not a good thing really.

Unfortunately, for one Vala Mal Doran it was the Tel'tac with a dodgy hyperdrive and the busted navigational system. This and some rather drunken manoeuvring had landed her on this back hole of a planet, where the level of technology wasn't up to the rest of the galaxy's standards or so she could determine from her wanderings. To her even greater distress, she was not even sure if there was a Stargate in this planet. Vala suspected that this part of the galaxy was not even aware of the world 'alien' except in their dreams. She hung low in the bushes behind the dwelling which had some strange animals behind it and a lot of sand beyond that. Where in all that was pinch-able was she?

**And then there was SG-1**

Jack had been livid when Daniel quit but he did not make it known openly and he was beyond disappointed in Daniel. He also understood the power of grief. Charley had made him suicidal with guilt and grief and Daniel had helped him through that during the first Abydos mission. Yet here Daniel was, separating himself from the only family willing to help him through the same level of grief. Nothing Jack could say could get Daniel to change his mind. Granted it didn't help that one member of that family had killed the other's long lost love, but that didn't mean the guy need to up sticks and quit - did it?

Jack felt that he had invested over 4 years in this rather bizarre friendship that had ultimately been one of the most dependable in his life - fireworks, annoyances and all. He watched Daniel with desperation as he began to pack up the office that had been the place they all gravitated to whether they admitted it or not. Jack had tried the 'you'll be back' speech which really evidenced itself in effect when Daniel explained how it was always about finding Shau'ri and would always be for Shau'ri that he would be stopping. His reason for living was gone and now Jack looked on in sadness as his two best friends were no longer speaking to one another. Reason for bringing the together had failed. His team was now fractured and falling apart. What could he do? There was nothing else he could do except get stuck with some schmuck who was not Daniel. Jack scratched his head and leaned back in his chair in the office he 'claimed' he knew nothing about. There was a list of candidate files for his team and he knew that not one of the met the caliber for SG-

1.

He was ordered to stop looking for Daniel's return as the general did not stop for anyone and get on with picking his new team member - yeah like that would happen. Who dictated four team members anyway?

He'd found Carter hiding in his office after they'd left Daniel's apartment. The tears dripping down her face was like pin pricks on his heart. All he could hear were whispered words of "He's gone sir. What now?" Truly he couldn't answer her because even he didn't know himself. Truly the question was - what now? Teal'c was no better as he only put his heart into doing only his duties and no more. He rarely spoke to anyone anymore - well any more than usual. Teal'c kept his presence outside of missions either in his quarters or sparring at the base gym. He ate alone in the mess unless joined by either Sam or Jack but would not even entertain anyone else's company. How could SG-1 truly carry on as SG-1 when two of its family was either burdened with guilt or grief? For that Colonel Jack O'Neill truly had no real solution.


	2. Chapter 1 One Year on

**Chapter One**

**London - England - One year later**

The concrete skyline taunted Daniel in every way as the steam rose from his coffee. 'I will go and find the furthest and most obscure dig possible. Yeah Right! London how obscure!' thought Daniel. When he left the program it had been a struggle to find any digs that would accept him. As far as the world was concerned he was the nutty professor who debunked the theory that the Egyptians built the pyramids. He had no academic credence whatsoever. He was the nutty professor who lost everything through one mad theory that happened to be right. Now said proved point was now classified. He was in essence an academic joke.

Daniel dropped his coffee mug next to his keys and turned to pick up his keys banging his shin on the rather close coffee table near him. Damn London city had nothing but boxes for apartments. Even the stipend that he earned with the Air Force he lived on a trickle of the money he earned. He wanted as little to do with that Air Force money as possible. All there was the job. It wasn't much but it kept him out of the line of sight of the SGC and all that that represented.

Lifting his case and walking down the steps of the London estate he lived on, Daniel began to remind himself how he got to this point in his life. With each step he grew more bitter with every thought. Through Catherine and his references from General Hammond he had managed to get a teaching position linked to the British museum in London. His days were filled with students from the London University and afternoons cataloguing items from all over the globe. Daniel spent his mornings teaching lectures on ancient history to students who were only mildly interested in passing their course and his evenings alone working on various small items that came through the British museum. He sometimes had a number of students who helped him out but often as soon as the students settled into their tasks he often had his TA's monitor their progress and he worked on a project on his own in the far corner. Alone - just as he had always been and how he would always be. Often he just closed off the memories of the family that had been SG-1.

Daniel was often approached by various female staff and students but often he rejected them politely that no, he would not go out on any dates. He was branded pretty to look at and left alone in general but that still didn't stop a few women trying.

Daniel had ensured that his need to be alone was respected. His small London flat was respectable and bare. All of his items from his previous travels were stored in the US. None of it held any meaning to him anymore. The only concession he had given to himself were his books and a picture of Shau'ri. She was the one thing he wanted to remember after the funeral.

Kasuf would send word via Jack on how he was doing but he no longer wanted anything to do with the Stargate. Thus word from Kasuf became rarer and eventually stopped. As far as he was concerned the Stargate was a dream along with the voice of Shau'ri who came to him night after night begging that Daniel return to his travels through the Chaap'ai. He still could not get over the grief that begged his attention night after night. He spoke to no one but Jack. Even then it was just about Kasuf and nothing else and even then Jack was becoming more of a distant annoyance now. He had shut down and locked away the key to his former family friends and life.

Tonight was no different. There were four students with him tonight most of them female and stunningly pretty but not one iota did he notice anything except their academic potential. There was no one else here tonight except the security guards and the students. The public had gone home finished with their gawping and the open museum staff just called time at 6pm as usual. The work rooms were blissfully quiet and that was the way he preferred it.

"Professor Jackson" The voice of the young strawberry blond, ah Marie, Maria M something or other broke through his thoughts. He lifted his head and coked it to one side.

"Hmmm?" He sounded really bored. He thought that he really should try to sound more enthusiastic. At least, that's what his Head of Department had hounded him to do.

"Can I ... help you?" His student looked at him more rather petulantly. She appeared to be on the team of girls who joined the course to score a Lecturer or at least him.

Simpering to his good looks the student smiled. "Professor Jackson it's 10.30pm. You said we could go an hour ago." The end of the sentence came out in a whine rather than a request. Daniel looked at his watch and smiled in apology. She giggled. 'Oh dear, we have another one!' Thought Daniel. 'MAYDAY! MAYDAY!'

"I'm sorry?" Daniel smiled up at the student like a parent admonishing a child. "Look you've all done great work here. I'll see you all next Tuesday for lectures as usual. Have a great week." The girl giggled again and tilted her head in a 'let's go' gesture. Her fellow students gave up varying groans and cussing and put away the already cleared away tool packs in their pre-assigned cupboards and left.

Daniel smiled softly as the calls of "Goodnight Professor" echoed out of the room and the remaining silence descended. He looked at the signature beads in front of him - early biblical times. He gazed at them fingering the fragile pottery beads on a thin string through his soft latex gloves. It never seemed to faze him how many years these pieces of history had survived. He allowed himself to get lost in the paperwork and relaxed as the silence descended. He would not be going home tonight.

Two hours past midnight and Daniel was still cataloguing items for the Egyptian exhibit. The museum had strict rules about coffee and artefacts so Daniel had to leave to use the break room across the hall to drink his fifth cup of coffee. Daniel knew that he had no classes to teach in the morning as tomorrow was Saturday. He was treating himself to an all-night session cataloguing new items when his phone rang. Daniel cussed. Very few people had his mobile number. It was Jack. He knew it was Jack. Teal'c and Sam had given up trying to contact him anymore. He stretched over and muted the phone. He continued to sip his coffee whilst watching the phone vibrate next to the coffee machine. He wasn't going to answer. Didn't Jack get that? He sighed. 'Course Jack doesn't get it. He calls every week asking me to come back. I'm not going back. I'm not Indiana Jones neither am I soldier. I've done enough!' Daniel looked up to the ceiling and counted to ten. The phone stopped. "...Annnd 3,2,1..." a text popped onto his screen. He reached over and opened his phone.

"_Answer your phone Daniel! We need to talk. This can't go on ya know!"_ It felt like Jack was there and not the text on a phone.

Daniel sighed exasperated and began tapping the keys on his phone. "_You'll have to find me first Jack. Even Catherine will not tell you where I am. I'm not coming back - leave me alone!_"

Daniel let out another exasperated sigh when he pressed send on his cell phone. He rolled his eyes as Jack responded. "Same old story Daniel. You miss doing this. I'm sure life in London has really met your expectations. Considering the worlds and missing cultures we are running to".

Daniel huffed and typed "_How do you know where I am__?"_ It was a quick response. "The day I don't know where you are is the day I die Danny boy! Shut up and get your ass back here. At least answer my calls once in a while." Another text rang through from Jack. "_Oh Teal'c_ _and Sam say hi. They miss you. We all miss our kick ass GEEK. ah hahaha"_

_'_Yeah Jack, real funny' thought Daniel. He sighed and switched off the phone.

Jack was worse than a nagging old mother hen. Only his clucks were ten times more annoying and stung twice as bad. He always went on and on about Daniel's return to the program but each time it ended in bouncing texts back and forth. He only knew news by text these days. Daniel missed going through the Stargate on occasion but then thoughts of Shau'ri would kick in and it would all come crashing back.

He closed his eyes and his mind flashed back painfully to her kidnap, her death and the loss of her baby to who knows where. Living in London, Daniel had picked up some acquaintances with whom he would claim nodding rights to but not friends, close friends. It was hard to talk to someone about all his work as it had been top secret over the last three and a half years besides with his reputation who would believe him? He tossed his phone into his briefcase after shutting it off. 'No more Jack tonight I think?' With that hope ingrained into his head Daniel finished the dregs of his coffee cup and headed back to his work station.

From a darken office two doors down a figure sat in frozen position behind a door. "That's it you gorgeous little man" the voice whispered from the dark office next to the break room. "Head back to your desk and continue to work. Let me have a quiet look around all the pretty trinkets in the other room in peace. That way you and I don't have to have some fun which involves you out cold on the floor." With that the figure who had stilled the search around the office during Daniels cup of coffee lifted from its hiding place and quietly slipped past Daniel's work room.

**First days to one year - Whatever happened to Vala?**

This dingy little word - Surprise! Surprise! - has room for a rather gorgeous thief with some high class skills. It helped Vala that she had managed to 'acquire' some rather nifty forms of currency to start her out.

The Tel'tac had landed in the middle of what looked like a rather long expanse of beach not far from a dwelling surrounded by mountains. It was night time when she had crashed so she managed to set some rather spectacular fireworks when she decided to blow up the ship. Better not risk being found by whatever or whoever ruled this world.

There was no way in all that mass of wires and crystals that the ship would ever fly again. It was in all truth a write off. She'd spent the first few hours walking around trying to find some food and 'civilization'. Whatever that meant for this dreary planet and if at all possible the Stargate. Which Vala soon found out did not even appear in this planet at all.

From the stares she got onto the main road from the locals when Vala first walked down the local road, Vala felt the wave of 'alien' and 'weirdo' vibes sting her personal pride. She stood out here and it showed. Seeing what looked like a form of law enforcement Vala felt the need to hide out from time to time. It didn't matter what planet she was on she had sworn to smack authority in the worst places. Preferably, where they would end up singing soprano using her knee and other body parts.

Her first task of the day was hiding all the things that made her stand out. Her Zat'nikatel was far too conspicuous amongst the people who lived on this planet along with all her rather stand out but gorgeous leather bodice. She was far too noticeable. Walking past a little cottage on the edge of a small village she saw a woman who was about her height and but slightly bigger. Clothes, food and currency - those were her priorities. So she watched and waited for the opportunity to steal necessities once the woman had left her cottage. After all a girl had to be fabulous but essentially she had to be fed. Starving and fabulous were not words that often went hand in hand.

Vala entered the small cottage with the hope of regaining her supplies and mingling into the community that last thing Vala managed to lift was something that resembled food. All Vala could see that looked familiar was the reflection in the large mirror that she walked past in the hall. There were too many images in this house. Still flat 2D images with happy people. As she made her way through the small cottage, she felt liked they mocked her and the way her life had been. Images of what looked like a very happy family appeared to cover every surface available and mocking her at every turn within the cottage. Vala had to shut down her feelings or else those pictures would act as a distraction.

Happy families were not where she came from. Images of pain threatened to flood her consciousness while she worked through each room. Feelings of abandonment, abuse and hurt threatened to cover every corner of her mind. There was only so much that a girl could hang on to. The first rule was trust yourself and no one else. .Everyone else was there to help you get your goals. It was a mantra she lived by and it had not proved her wrong yet. This was not someone's home but a place to 'acquire' provisions. She could always count on the person being 'generous' in some shape or form.

Leaving the cottage and strolling back into the village she heard the locals speak in a weird lilting language. Not the similar tongue that she knew from all over her wanderings in the galaxy. This was familiar but there were many rolling r's when they spoke in the familiar tongue but otherwise it was a weird language. Vala was determined that she would blend in even if it cost her. She only spoke mostly the universal language and Goa'uld. She was determined that this language would not beat her.

Over time and several weeks finding houses to break into and squat - Vala was met with many new challenges. The device in the shape of a flat box intrigued her and she loved the rolling pictures and sounds in the language that was similar to what she knew. Vala also spent time teaching herself about her new surroundings in a building that had many books called a library. A lot of times Vala would even break into the library to spend hours falling asleep in this magic world that ignored her past as a thief.

From these clandestine trips, she knew she was in a planet called Earth and she also learned that the country she was in was known as Wales. All this information was useful in determining what her life could be. She stayed around the area of Llandudno finding that it was far away from any major city in this land known as the United Kingdom. She registered for any free class such as adult reading and writing classes. Faking silence and lack of understanding people mistakenly classed her as a foreign person with her use of pointing and halted understanding of what was being said. That was useful as her use of Goa'uld language had people mistaking her as being from the Middle East with the halting use and lack of English became clear. As her improvement in the language became better she sounded almost Australian in her use of English.

Her skills and her abilities as a thief started to be noticed by the criminal fraternity and they welcomed her into their community with open arms with very little questions. What made her noticeable was the fact that she had managed to get into a heavily fortified police station and had stolen some money from the evidence locker without leaving a fingerprint of who or what she was. Cardiff City Centre police station to be precise. Some poor policeman had been put on suspension for sleeping on the job to which the policeman firmly denied.

The welcome from her thievery fraternity provided Vala access over the following months to documentation such as a birth certificate stating that she was a citizen of the UK. Using the document she was able to get herself a real passport and national insurance card thatallowed her to be identified as a British citizen. The necessary portions of normal life slotted in after that. She ran through gaining as many normal skills allowing her to be identified as a living honest member of society. Over the next few months she was offered work from various gangs for information, money, valuable items and so on. Vala was clear on what she would not do - no drugs, no guns, no murder. As long as they were happy to meet these terms Vala welcomed their business.

When Vala was not working as an independent contractor for the British underworld she visited the local library and community centre. She genuinely loved being part of a real community that welcomed her. An elderly librarian called Gwen had taken a shine to Valerie (as Vala now called herself). She spent hours talking with Vala in the library sometimes an hour past closing Gwen would teach Vala something new on the computer or a new life skill such as banking (Vala taught herself how to hide money using the banking system). Gwen thought that Vala had come to Wales to run away from an abusive family. Vala didn't discourage her from that notion but was often taken back by the level of kindness aimed in her direction by Gwen's motherly nature.

Six months into her stay on Earth, Gwen approached Vala rather nervously. She had painted on a friendly smile when she had closed the library for the evening. "Valerie, would you like to come and live with me?" Vala's head snapped up and her eyes were wide in shock. Her dark eyes then slatted tight in suspicion. No one asked anything for no reason. Kindness was not a facility she was often accustomed to.

"Why would you let me live with you?" Gwen smiled that kindly smile that often graced her face.

"Why not dear? You need family around here and I have a bed." That rocked Vala. The notion of family was pain and hurt. No one offered her family with grace as freely as Gwen did. "Valerie dear don't you know that here you will always have a home with me. You will always be cared for." Vala stood up sharply and back away from Gwen. She turned her back to hide the tears that threatened to fall.

"Gwen, I am thankful for the kindness you have shown me but I beg you to not ask this of me. I am poison to anyone who knows me."

"Valerie dear, surely you do not consider yourself so badly met by those who know you. You are nothing but a kind sweet girl who has the capability to be more than you realise. You are only starting out in life." Vala let out a burst of laughter that sounded both dispirited and desperate in nature. Vala never classed herself as having any worth both to herself and anyone she ever knew. No one prior to this had ever given her any kind of credit for her own worth unless they wanted something from her. Her life had been about what people could get out of her never what they could do for her as an individual.

She squeezed her eyes shut and stilled. Her mask fell over her and something in her blood ran cold. She was about to hurt someone she never wanted to hurt using methods she swore she would never use as a free person. She was going to threaten a woman who had been kind to her without cost or expectation of returned kindness.

"Listen to me old woman; I will kill you if you don't leave now. In the bag next to the computer is a gun. I will use it on you if you do not leave within the next twenty seconds!" She turned to face Gwen with cold hard eyes. As expected, Gwen was shocked, terrified even and yet searching for the woman who had been there a few moments ago. Vala made a swift move to reach for the non-existent crude weapon. Her Zat was actually in her bag but not much else weapon-wise. She advanced on Gwen using lethal predatory movements which belied her calm menacing grace she had displayed beforehand. Gone was Vala Mal Doran in her place was how she remembered Qetesh. A parasite who was vicious, cruel and totally without mercy. The parasite had done its damage and in its wake left nightmares Vala would never get over. Just like now. Especially when she was scaring the one and only friend she ever had in this world.

Gwen shifted back towards the door as Vala advanced. As she reached the door she gave Vala one last look it was pleading almost longing in its stare. "Valerie, don't forget that you have potential to be more than this. You are not who you display now - I can't believe that this is who you are."

Vala snarled "Believe it old woman. I had you going and you had your uses. That time has now passed and you are no longer useful. I will give you to the count of five to be gone or I will kill you. 1,2,3..." Vala heard the door bang and she knew that Gwen was gone. The next thing Vala knew would be coming was the local police. She did not have much time.

Vala grabbed her things and fought the ragged tears that threatened to fall again. She stopped at her squat in the house two streets over and collected her things and was gone within the space of minutes. It was time to run again.

Vala reached the train station to find two trains on platform. One was leaving for Scotland the other was headed to London. Which line - North or South? Vala did not even think. She knew that one phone call would get her ties to the London fraternity and work. London it was. Jumping onto the train without a ticket she headed south wards and for once Vala let her tears finally fall.

In the weeks that followed, Vala set herself up with housing within London's boroughs using the money she 'acquired' from her 'freelancing'. Her links with the Welsh fraternity meant that there was regular work available from regular sources but she also knew she had been on the radar of the police in Wales for a few months but they were never able to prove anything or so her sources told her.

Vala knew that she was different even here in London where different seemed to be all around her. She filled her days with learning where she could. She often found herself wandering into London University often passing herself off as a student trying to learn as much as she could. It was one thing she could never seem to get over was how freely available education was here.

Most planets she visited learning was for the select few often. Sometimes what was available was very limited. The shock of this planet allowed was open to let anyone learn and yet in many ways it was so primitive in its assumptions about the universe. It was whilst sipping coffee next to the bridge near Parliament buildings that she realised what it was that pulled her attention - here she was free but never free to be herself. It was a condition she was used to but until now it never disturbed her. She tried to shrug the feeling off by taking another sip of her coffee but each taste was now much bitterer than before.

It was a spring day when she walked into the university. People were so used to seeing her here now that they automatically dismissed her. She had an evening planned full of another meeting with a contact that promised to be lucrative. She was walking through the halls of the archaeology buildings that day when she heard his voice. Often she dismissed these buildings as they often contained stuffy older lecturers that held no appeal to her whatsoever. It was a whim that brought her here. The voice was soft and clear and held an appeal to her that she never thought possible. She looked through the door of the lecture hall and there he stood with a room full of enraptured students. It was a lecture on Egypt. Of that much she was certain. Vala could remember spending hours reading on the topic.

The lecturer at the front had short close cropped brown hair with short spikes. He was tall with glasses that much she could tell from a distance. He was well built but it was his voice that had her. She stood at the doors straining to hear every word that was said. As Vala was about to leave she tripped falling against the doors causing them to swing wide and fall open. There was a silence as Vala fell into the lecture hall. There was an intake of breath from some students in the room who had noticed the commotion from the doors. All heads turned in her direction.

"You, yes you there at the doors either take a seat at the front or leave." Vala lifted her head and internally cringed. She was not usually this clumsy. She lifted her finger and pointed at herself.

"Yes" grumbled the voice "Ah yes you must be the new student I was waiting on and you are late! Come take a seat here at the front and let me get on with my lecture." Vala looked up to find that the voice was not as far away as she thought. Somewhere between the first words he had spoken and Vala lifting herself to her knees he had sprinted up the side steps to her. He had the bluest eyes she had ever seen and right now her breath caught.

"Your name?" His eyes had gone from stern to soft in seconds.

"Vala" What had made her say that? She never gave her real name to anyone! Again she cringed internally at her stupidity. His lips twitched into a soft gentle smirk.

"Well Vala, I am Professor Jackson and I require that you arrive on time in future. He lifted himself up and turned to the other students who had been watching this with obvious amusement at the woman's discomfort. "Right, Now as I was saying..." By the end of the lecture Vala was determined to break into the student admissions office and sign up for his classes.

That night she met with her 'agent' in a small bar in soho. It was a fashionable joint with cocktails and art deco decor and city types. He sat in a small booth in the far corner watching Vala walk in wearing a revealing green wraparound dress. Lucas was a well-built good looking blond man with green eyes. They lustily ran up and down Vala's form every time they met. He was always wanting more than just an opportunity to give Vala work - of that she was aware. He smiled. It was like watching a Goa'uld system lord smile - all slime and sleaze.

"Valerie darling" He air kissed each of her cheeks.

"Lucas" She smiled falsely. Tonight it was business and never with Lucas would it be pleasure. She sat down and sipped her glass of Vodka.

"What do you have for me?"

Lucas pulled back as if in shock. "What Darling no pleasantries?"

"Lucas I don't have time for pleasantries - what do you have for me?" Vala's voice was all ice and steel. Lucas flinched.

"There is a little snatch and grab I'd like you to do for me from the British Museum. A small matter of a tablet with some unknown never before seen language. My client will pay well to get his hands on this tablet. Usual arrangements apply £1 million with my usual 25% cut." Vala sat back and pretended to consider his offer.

"Done Lucas. Have the details couriered to the usual box and I will arrange for a pick up. Nice doing business with you." Vala rose and grabbed her bag which was the same point that Lucas made a grab for her butt. She turned and grabbed his hand slamming his wrist down hard on the table.

"Valerie that hurts!" cried Lucas.

"Then don't make a play at grab my ass otherwise next time it will be a broken wrist. Okay?" Lucas swallowed at the look in Vala's eyes. It was cold and calculating. He had never accounted for that. Vala repeated her words and applied extra pressure to the joints in his wrist. "Okay Lucas?" By this stage there was silence falling in the tables around them.

"Yes! Yes! Okay. Jeez woman - you cow!" There was a quiet snap on his little finger which had him howling. The bouncers were running over at this stage. Vala ran to them.

"Please help he was trying it on with me and would not leave me alone!" Her eyes were wide with fear and trying to look every inch the wronged woman. The bouncers didn't even blink.

"Don't worry miss we'll take care of it." They grabbed Lucas with his broken finger and all and dragged him towards the door. The last thing Lucas saw was Vala blowing a kiss and throwing a wink his direction as she headed towards the back exit to melt into the evening crowds.

Two nights later the plan was set and Vala was kitted up. Her plan effectively was very simple. Go to the museum close to closing and lock herself into an office and do a little bit of late night digging until about midnight after that it was show time. Two days before she recced the museum trying to figure out who she had to either make call in sick or find out who was on holiday. So flirting with a rather vulnerable guard was quite easy before he was spilling a lot of gossip about the museum. She had the museum floor specs containing the whereabouts of her package. These had been picked up by another contact from her drop box. This meant that she had planned her office in which to nest in along with a couple of nifty hacking gadgets.

She had spent the morning before the job listening to Daniel lecture on a civilisation known as Babylon. She sat in his lecture taking note after note desperate for some opportunity to answer him and also desperate for some of his attention. He had a way about him that was fascinating and encouraged something inside her and it scared her. She could not afford too many feelings.

Vala felt that she might be stuck on this world but she may as well stick to her philosophy that no one gets to touch her in any way. Daniel however seemed to crush that rule in small ways but she was advised by all the girls that he was either "off the market" or "gay". Not that she knew what being consistently happy had to do with being unavailable as a male. That is until someone clarified that he was possibly into guys - which Vala thought was not possible.

As Friday evening fell into night Vala shook her head clear of Daniel. That was just a distraction and she didn't need distractions. Her little nest in the office next to the work labs had a thin wall that allowed her to hear noise to some degree. There were definitely voices in there but they faded one by one as the evening went on. It did not however allow her to hear clearly any words being spoken. Vala just used her time to go through the office she was in and checked to ensure that her black mask covered her face along with her balaclava. She checked her zat and made sure it was ready to hand. She figured since there was no Stargate here - no one would know what her weapon was never mind that the first shot did not kill.

As time drifted Vala heard the door next to her open and close. Time seemed to drag as she waited on a good opportunity to make her move. The tablet she was to 'acquire' was of Egyptian design. She saw the back of her neighbour go out from the coffee room. She smiled to herself looking at the extra padding around her chest. Tonight she dressed as a man. Tomorrow she would not be mistaken as such.

She smiled softly to herself. "That's it you gorgeous little man. Head back to your desk and continue to work. Let me have a quiet look around all the pretty trinkets in the other room in peace. That way you and I don't have to have some fun which involves you out cold on the floor." Vala looked at her watch. It was time. Enough pussy footing around it was time to play.


	3. Chapter 2 The Heist

A/N: Sorry this took so long. I wanted this as polished as possible between getting it beta'd and final edits. I present to you the polished version! Thanks to all who have clicked follow, reviewed or just even read the story so far. Keep reading!

**Chapter 2**

"It weren't too long before I seen something in me, had changed. A bitter seed was planted inside of me. And I just didn't feel so, accepting, anymore." Kathryn Stockett – The Help.

The archive 'room' if it could be called, that was a giant warehouse on multiple levels within the rear section of the museum and was split into multiple rooms on multiple levels next to the labs where the curators and the analysts worked. Each of the smaller side rooms had to be temperature and climate controlled for each exhibit according to its age.

When he walked into the archives, Daniel was so intent about getting to the Egyptian exhibits on the third floor where he knew wasn't supposed to be. He figured out about the first week in that his pass pretty much granted him access to a lot of the things in the archive store rooms which had not been catalogued.

According to his contract Daniel was not allowed to go near the Egyptian exhibits for fear that his embarrassing reputation would 'taint' any findings that the so called 'scholars' within the museum may find. Daniel had scoffed at this clause in his contract knowing full well that he had more information and experience in this area than the other curators combined. Travelling through the gate had been a big help in that area but of course all of that was 'classified'. Daniel's 'colleagues' would have a heart attack if they knew what he did.

What brought him into the vault was a rumoured tablet that had been in storage for the last twenty years with an interesting text on it that no one had managed to translate - yet! Daniel had found this out by being friendly with the guards who locked up in the night. They knew the distain given to them by most of the academics for doing their job. It was as if they were beneath some of them and yet they managed to have a good relationship with some of the others. Daniel proved himself to be in the different category with his easy nature plus they could sense something different about him as well. As such they were forthcoming with their knowledge of the items they had heard the academics talk about during their work day.

So here he was rifling through the files looking for the card to lead him to the 'mysterious' tablet that he knew he could solve. It had taken all of 10 minutes to work out the curators filing system. 'Hah! Too easy!' Daniel felt like doing one of Jack's versions of a happy dance then he remembered why he and Jack were no longer really communicating much. He was so focused on what he was doing he did not hear the beep of the main door or the snick of the lock as it closed. He made his way up the stairway to the floor in which the item had been stored. He held the index card in his hand like it was treasure. His eyes were scanning the storage room numbers left and right for the correct index number. In his other hand was the key for the storage locker which contained the small item. Since the locked containers contained brittle items meaning that Daniel had to wear gloves for this little trip into the storage vaults every time lest the acid or bacteria on his hands caused any damage.

Daniel looked down at the card in his hand and rechecked the number. It was stored on the third floor of this archive 'room'. He knew that the tablet was important but in his mind he hoped it was nothing more than a dialect of Egyptian that someone who lived on Budge could have mistranslated. He reached into his pocket and felt the solid weight of the scanner he had sneaked off the base. He had gotten in the habit of checking for Naquadah in most items when no one was looking. It was a bad habit and one he had gotten into working with SG-1. He was more than sure that if he found Goa'uld based technology made of the Naquadah mineral he was sure that that would mean that he would have to contact Jack and with that came the baggage that came with that.

He checked the room thoroughly where the card said it would be and there was nothing to be found of the tablet. "Now where did they store you?" Daniel felt the frustration of the search roll off him in waves. He knew he was standing outside the right door but when he opened it there was no sign that anything remotely resembling the tablet was there to be found. He turned the card over in his hands and he saw that a number had been added to the back of the card almost in minute writing he saw the number had been changed to the more secure vault on the ninth floor. He heaved a sigh and thought of Sam in that moment in time. The thought stung him with an equal measure of pain and bitterness. He was aware that Sam would be gifted enough to get into that vault in ten seconds flat – if given half a chance.

He shook his head dispelling any remembrances. That was the past and his family had abandoned him the day his wife died by siding with her murderer. Daniel remembered that he did also know the code for the secure vault. It was passed around most of the staff like the departmental photocopier code. It was simply a matter of trust and time saving. Only certain people are supposed to know but most museum curators and analysts like Daniel were aware of the entry code as most of them had some items to store within the secure vault.

There was also one other mitigating factor. Most staff from both the university and the museum didn't want to have to interact with Daniel so they gave him the code. They thought he was a quack crack pot archaeologist with no academic standing whatsoever. So it was with great delight that Daniel spent his nights avoiding most people and solving their inadequacies. The tablet had to be out of the vault tonight. Daniel wanted to be the one to translate it and knew he had nothing to prove except to himself. Besides it kept the ghosts at bay. If he let himself think he was scared that the past would overwhelm him. That was why he could barely sleep anymore.

As Daniel continued up the steps he wanted to hold onto the grief and bitterness. It was all he had left. He felt more than saw a presence behind him. He tensed and stopped climbing the stairs. Every instinct in him screamed at him to wait and prepare to fight. Danger! His whole senses sprang to life and suddenly the combat training he had had with Jack seemed to be necessary. He had heard a door close from behind him. It wasn't a loud bang but a soft snick of a lock. Daniel shifted his weight towards the shadowed area in the stairway. From the overcast of the low lighting in the stairwell Daniel could see a figure dressed in black moving slowly up the stairs. The figure had something hidden in its right hand and a small back pack.

RUN! His whole body was screaming run and yet his training was telling him to stay still. DO NOT MOVE! The command in his head was an echo of Jack. The person kept moving softly up the stairs. A small quiet breath from the figure was heard. Daniel stayed still. He could now begin to see what was in the strangers hand and it chilled him to the bone. A Zat'nikatel. Was he forever to be tied to the ramifications of the Stargate and the problems that came with it? His body shook in anger but he knew that he did not want to bring Jack into this. He would not face those who had hurt him so. His cheek felt wet. Why would his cheek be wet? The stranger stopped right by him and fired. He welcomed the dark for a moment and the stranger moved on.

Vala had managed to achieve her goal of getting into the archive room. It was easy as someone had come in before her but she was not sure if he or she was even still in there. When she'd looked at the schematics of the building she had an idea that the 'room' was big but it did not give a clear idea of scale even when she had tried to get in before. The wandering security guard during the day had dismissed that idea. When he challenged her she simply showed her fake student ID and claimed she was sent to find her professor. Since most guards knew that some of the university students would come next door to the museum they were accustomed to seeing student ID's in these parts of the museum. It wrecked her plan to see the archives beforehand and because of the size she figured she would not get around everything in one tour.

The adrenaline ran through her and her hands shook. She had watched whoever was in the labs next door come and go from what appeared to be the break room. Whoever it was she could hear the muffled conversation with himself. 'Wonko!' Her thoughts rang out. Whoever this person was they had to be completely wonko to talk to themselves as there was obviously no response. That was not her main problem. She had access to the vault through the key code she found on the desk taped to the underside of an old wooden drawer. She did not however know where the tablet was kept nor why it was so valuable. Her time was limited here and the guard rotation regular. Slipping out of the office had been easy. It was making sure the archive room door closed just as quietly. It was a heavy door that practically slammed on its springs if someone were to let go. Alongside this was a key code that had to be entered upon entry within the first fifteen seconds.

Vala slunk into the alcove which held the archive door. The door had been opened recently. She reached down and felt for the Zat that was strapped on her side. Her standing policy was to stun not kill - maim if necessary. (Except in the case of a few men she could think of! Some guys should not be allowed to procreate.). She opened the door shifting her weight to the other side to prevent it slamming. Moving quickly she made her way to the keypad once the door had closed over and prepared to enter the code. Something made her still and slide into a dark corner. There was someone in here with her! She had suspected the door had been opened but never imagined that the person could still be in here! Why couldn't this have been a quick snatch and grab? She cursed quietly all the Gods of the heavens and even a few Goa'uld. She looked up from her hiding place and saw a tall man with short brown hair. His gait was disturbingly familiar. There was a murmur in a soft tone of voice that sounded again disturbingly familiar. She had to know where he was going as he may have knowledge of the tablet.

Vala shook her head. 'Focus Vala! Look to the job and nothing else. That person needs to be avoided but useful if necessary.' Waiting for the figure to move away Vala made use of the time reviewing her information on the tablet. It was stored upstairs in the secure vault and she needed to climb a number of stairs to get there. The door to the stair level closed and she waited a few minutes before opening the door. the figure on the stairs had been climbing with a certain enthusiasm that meant he was working quickly. That suited Vala! The door behind her closed quietly. Only the snick of the lock making any noise in the stairwell. She began to quietly move up the stairs making a note of every noise around her. The lighting in the stairwell was low and she ensured that she moved with a light step. She had gotten up two flights when the noise from her companions steps had disappeared. Vala stilled her movements and looked through the rails to the next level of the metal stairway.

In the darkness of the corner of the stairwell Vala could make out a small shift in the floor and a ragged breath trying to be stilled. The man had heard her! She felt the self-recrimination for the mistake run through her thoughts. Reaching to the holster on her hip she slid out her Zat. It was always left open on a job as arming it caused unnecessary noise. Whoever designed the weapon was obviously not thinking about silent attacks – stupid, incompetent designer. Her finger stroked the trigger lightly and the man fell face forwards. She ran upstairs to secure his hands behind him using flex ties. She turned the man over and she fell back onto the stairwell floor. DANIEL! Of all the men in the world it had to be the one man she had started to care about. The one person whose approval she had started to quietly crave. The weight of what she had done suddenly caved into her conscience with staggering clarity. She tried to shut it out but it seemed to seep through her normal defenses. Then she fell back onto her training as a thief. These instincts noted he had a card in his hand which could contain more information. Her instincts also told her he was not a threat and that he was not a fighter but a bookish academic.

She had to look at the card and move. As she slowly moved over Daniels form to reach for the card Daniel twitched awake and quickly threw his legs in a scissor like motion under hers to make her topple. Vala fell back on her back hard hitting his arm. She grunted and kicked her left foot into his groin. He let out a high pitched wail, cursed and cupped himself. She smiled with a feral grin and licked her lips. So her mild mannered professor knew how to fight? 'Okay little man let's play!' Her thoughts turned from shock to amusement in one little flick of a switch.

She got to her feet and turned onto a high swing kick to his head and watched him fall down the stairs. He scrambled back on his knees to try and make a grab for her. She knelt down and launched a punch to his face. Turned and ran straight up the stairs. The race was on!

Daniel groaned and his head rung with the blow given to him by the intruder. He scrambled to his feet at the bottom of the last stairwell doing a rough body check as he began the chase after the intruder. He found that he was hurt but no more serious than a bout with Teal'c. He sucked in a breath and shouted "That's not the first Zat blast I've ever had and certainly not the first fight I've been in. Be right with you and we'll finish this!" Running up the stairs he had a good guess as to where the intruder was going - secure archives. It was a logical guess really. Man in black garb with black outfit complete with balaclava covering said face equals thief hence valuable stuff or a staff member with a fetish for black and odd hours to beat him up. Either way it meant trouble and he'd missed trouble for so long. He sucked in another breath and picked up the pace of the chase up the stairs.

He tried to stretch the plastic tags that bound his hands. The cuffs had been tied tightly but he continued to struggle to free himself. Multi-tasking was not his skill so he stopped outside the floor of the vault and tried stretching and flexing the plastic tag cuffs again. As he did he found that there was a little give but his wrists hurt, but what hurt even more was the friction of rubbing the cuff ties on the rough brick against the wall adding to the burn on his wrists. Finally he turned and felt for the door. He knew that there were tools on each floor which everyone had access to. From there he could free himself.

When he walked over to the curator's station he grabbed a Stanley knife from the table which was used to open boxes of new cargo and office supplies. Flipping the knife up he was able to free his hands. Which again cause more pain. He rubbed his now free wrists and looked over towards the part of the floor containing the secure vault. He wanted to stop this intruder - more than that he wanted to fight them again. He had felt the depression eat at him since he moved here. Now he wanted to hit something push at it hard until it bled.

'Right time to play!' His thoughts were disturbing to him even at that moment but he was just so angry at everything. Daniel Jackson - compassionate man had died somehow that day in the tent on another world and he couldn't bring himself to care. It was a cycle of thoughts that would not stop and he was not sure if he wanted them to.

He kept a hold of the knife as a weapon and prepared to face his intruder. As he walked he flipped open the cell phone and dialed the police carefully ensuring he dialed 999 not 911. After waiting for a response, Daniel requested the police. Whispering all the details to the operator Daniel ensured that the police were coming and gave him a estimate. Hurray for British efficiency. His nerves were pulsing with adrenaline and he felt awake almost alive with the feeling for the first time in a year. Daniel felt his training slot back into place and he felt more than just a professor - he felt like a soldier. That was something he never realised that he was but still it was a part of him now. He got to the half of the warehouse which contained the door to the secure vault and slid his card in and tapped in the code. Something appeared to drop behind him and he turned towards the noise. Two seconds later he felt a heavy weight of something and his world went black.

Vala looked at the form of her professor and shook her head. The knife that he had in his hand went skittering across the floor. A sneak attack was not usually her style but she did not want to hurt this man any more than necessary. She stepped over him and ignored the blood running softly from his head. She stepped into the vault and walked towards the box which contained the tablet. She looked at the number from the card to the box making sure that the numbers matched. Lifting the box she turned on her heel and walked out towards the door. Vala saw Daniel's eyes flutter and the painful whisper of a name being repeated. She couldn't help it she stopped and tried to listen. "Shau'ri Shau'ri Shau'ri" Her heart broke with his pain but that was secondary to her objective. Retrieve the tablet and get out. Vala was about halfway to the door to the stairway when she heard the words to shatter her.

"Fight it Shau'ri. Fight the demon within Shau'ri. I will not let you go." The pain in Daniel's voice became like a knife cutting, breaking wrenching into Vala's gut.

With those words Vala sucked in a ragged breath and ran. Pain was something she ignored and someone else's pain made hers worse because she knew of demons. Vala knew of the demons within because she'd had one and now all she had were the aftermaths of demon footprints in her mind. As Vala crossed London that night she battled with those demons gripping the case tighter as she went. She didn't stop running until she arrived at her apartment. Once inside she stripped off all her clothes, discarded the box and fell down on her bed with a bottle of whiskey. With each glass she allowed herself to fall deeper into oblivion knowing that she could step away from the sadness in his voice and the pain that she felt.


	4. Chapter 3 Guilt

A/N: Sorry this took so long – motivation has been broken but not to fear the 4th chapter has been started and I hope to have it up soon. Beta has been busy so she hasn't had a chance to look this one over! Sorry if it's a bit unpolished.

**Chapter 3**

_**"Put a rope around your neck and people will be glad to drag you by it." (proverb)**_

Guilt. It is a well-known fact that guilt is like poison. It consumes your soul, takes your honour and wraps you in shame. For a warrior it is one of the worst kinds of poison as it can eat you whole and take your honour away. The only cure is redemption, forgiveness and these remedies were something Teal'c craved. For a year now he was carrying this shameful mark and no amount of hope for reconciliation with his friend could ease this pain. He had so much blood on his hands from his time as first prime of Apophis. That shame he knew he would never get rid of but to have killed his best friend's wife? That blood does not wash off as easily. Teal'c watched a year ago and much time had gone by with endless missions and non-stop training sessions. It felt like a life he observed but not lived. The tiredness had infected his soul and hung around him like a long rope dragging him further down with dishonour.

They'd gotten the call from General Hammond about Daniel about an hour ago. The robbery sounded like a cowardly act and only fear could triumph from such actions. They had been informed that his injury was a severe concussion and as such he had been kept unconscious to prevent brain swelling by the hospital staff in London. Doctor Fraser was called as Daniel's medical records were all but sealed besides his basic medical information and medical allergy list.

Classified was the word so often used in the world of the SGC and even former staff had to be seen by medical people with the right level of clearance. Daniel was going to be transferred for the next few days to the nearest military hospital in London and the team had invited themselves along with the generals blessing. As he stared out of the canopy of the jet that they had commandeered out of Peterson air force base he wondered if Daniel would have allowed enough time to pass that he could help Teal'c restore his honour. Indeed it was time for broken lives to be mended and for his brother to return home.

When they arrived at RAF Lakenheath in Suffolk Jack made his way to the USAF commander's office (a one Colonel Shields – who apparently had an impressive European record but not a clue about the really top secret operations) to pay his respects and request vehicles to get to the King Edwards Hospital in London. This was one of the closest military hospitals that was available and friendly to all militaries from around the world. They were officially there to 'deliver' the jets that they flew in to the base. Their orders were then to escort the good doctor to London. The meeting with the good colonel went about as well could be expected. There had been some eyebrow lifting about the necessity of escorting one doctor to a hospital in London and the necessity of a 3 man team to do so. To which Jack responded "She may be small but we need to provide protection." Colonel Shields lifted his green eyes to Jack and queried why she needed protection. Jack only answered "Oh it's not the doc who needs protection it's her patient. She'll murder him if he doesn't do as she tells him!" That got a chuckle and stopped the questions, which was all Jack required.

During the trip to London Jack spent time looking at his team. The year had been hard without Daniel. There had been too many losses of good people. There had also been so much loss of the comradeship that used to be so easy with Daniel to bond with. He was the heart and conscience of the team. Not that the team hadn't got any moral standing but Daniel was quicker to spot the wrongs of a society and pull the pieces together of a social puzzle staring them right in the face. Any replacements that they'd had just didn't seem the same - couldn't cut a problem the same way. Sam had suffered in Netu with memories of Jolinar. She didn't say anything just invested more and more of herself into her work. Jack was sure she would burn out soon and Teal'c was hiding more and more behind his impassive mask. He stuck to the routine and went through the motions of a day lest weakness slip through the facade.

Jack looked at his driver and shook his head. He was a brit but he was only 17 years old. Too young! Was he ever that young? Suddenly he could feel every year that he was within his bones and there was no comfort to be found in that.

He'd missed Daniel who had been his best friend and chief admiration of a pain in the ass who stood up to Jack. All the pretenders to Daniel's throne were either clueless or clearly awed by hero worship. Yep they needed Daniel back and this was a mission to ensure he returned. They were screwed! Daniel was still fighting the issue no matter how many calls or texts he would send. Still they had to try. Otherwise they were lost. Word of a new Goa'uld was making the rounds and there was a bounty out for a piece of Goa'uld tech that may or may not be on earth. This was Daniel's area of expertise and the Tok'ra had requested Jack to find it. Yep it was official without Daniel they were severely screwed.

The night of the robbery was a blur to Daniel. He just didn't know how long he had lost consciousness for. He remembered pain and then he remembered nothing else. The dreams during the blackness that came to him were of Nem and his quest for his mate Omeroka.

_Standing in front of him was Nem only it was not Nem demanding answers. His aquatic body was stock still with confusion across his face. Daniel was leaning into him yelling. All he could hear was the pain and loss of his query. "What fate Shau'ri? Tell me! What fate Shau'ri?" The look on the face of his confused companion was infuriating. He felt his hands shaking the man fish with a muderous intent. The eyes of Nem widened when he saw something behind. Nem took a step back and pointed at what had startled him. Daniel snapped around at the apparition that had so scared Nem. It was Shau'ri dressed as Amaunet. Her look was imperious and her hand was raised with a hand device ready to use. _

_Daniel flinched at the image. Amaunet squeezed her eyes shut in confusion as the host (Shau'ri) in her took over. "Husband, hear me. I will not go until you have heard me. Do not turn away from me." Daniel 'felt himself turn his back to her. It was too painful to look at her. She was soft, beautiful and so much of what was good in his world. "Husband! Hear what I have to say. You need to go back to your travels! Husband listen to me!." Daniel felt a hand on his shoulder shaking him. It felt like Shau'ris touch but it was not gentle. Daniel fought it with conviction but the shaking continued. He could hear a groan. 'Leave me alone with my wife!' _

"Daniel, can you hear me. Daniel!" Daniel's eyes snapped open and the person in front of him brought a reign of bitterness falling down on his heart. It was always bitterness now residing within his heart, the grief seemed to poison the goodness in him. He stared at the auburn hair and grim face of one doctor Janet Frasier. He had forgotten that clause in his contract – the one last tie to the programme and now it had come to haunt him. Oh look the ghost had stragglers! If had been just Janet he wouldn't have minded but behind her stood Jack, Teal'c and Sam. He turned his face away and stared out of the window. The skyline that he could see from the hospital confirmed he was still in London but that his team had arrived in very quick time.

"Janet, can you get them out of here. I'll speak to you because I have a rough idea why you are here. The rest I don't want to see" Daniel turned and surveyed the room. This was going to be a fight and he could tell. Daniel Let his eyes drift to Teal'c and the hate just radiated through him. Why had he come? He must have surely known he would not be welcome. He closed his eyes like a petulant child blocking out what was in front of him and turned his back on the people in the room.

Jacks eyes narrowed. "Ah fer cryin' out loud Daniel we heard you were hurt. You are still a member of this team for pete's sake". Jacks face was full of anger and pent up frustration. Jack felt the year of anger that he had been holding back finally catch up with him. If Daniel wanted a scrap - FINE! He had been waiting a year to knock some sense into the good doctor. If it meant that Janet was there to patch him up after he beat him black and blue then great. He'd been wrong about his joke to good Colonel Shields. Janet was probably better to protect Daniel from him! He let his anger flare and settle into molten steel. Stupid pain in the ass scientist! Geek! Nerd! It was good to see him alive. The call about the robbery had worried them all but his stubbornness about their presence reassured him that he would have a decent fight on their hands. Daniel was still Daniel even if the edges were tinged with a form of depression and a whole heap of bitterness. He'd soon get him drunk and sort that out!

It was Sam who spoke next. "Daniel, c'mon Daniel, we just wanted to be sure that you are alright. We care about you." Her blue eyes were showing something that Jack had not seen in a long while. Some form of emotion that just radiated out of her eyes. However it was what Jack saw within Daniels features made Jack want to smack Daniel there and then. What made him even angrier was the hurt that flashed so brightly in Sam's eyes.

Anger coiled low and dirty within Daniel. He could feel his fists balling. Care! How the hell could they care about him? If they had cared Shau'ri would be alive right now. If they had acted with zats instead of guns then she would still be alive. He turned around and looked directly at Janet ignoring Jack and the rest of them completely.

"Janet, could you please ask them to leave?" He pulled on his best puppy look. the kind that usually got him _out_ of the infirmary instead of keeping him in. He knew even Janet wasn't completely immune to the look. There was a heave and sigh from Janet and Daniel knew he had won this round. Janet turned around to face the team and with one look the team walked out of the hospital room. Daniel was childishly pleased. He'd gotten his way like he knew he could. He turned around in his bed and looked to the skyline. It was dark and miserable in his eyes. There was nothing of beauty there and for once he was glad.

He felt Janet's eyes scrutinize him carefully and knew she would have a litany of questions for him. He just wasn't sure she would like the answers he would give her. So he continued to stare out the window biding his time until she could complete her examination and he could send her home. With Jack here that would be difficult he knew that and with Teal'c here as well he knew that only one of them would remain standing in a fight. He knew it was coming that Jack would get him blind drunk and they would hash it out like they always did either with words or fisticuffs. Either way they would end up under the good doctor's care within the next 48 to 36 hours. As soon as he could, Daniel would give them the slip he would go back to his flat and do the unthinkable. He would take the day off from work and hide. After all they didn't know where he lived - didn't they?


	5. Chapter 4 Hospital Ponderings

Chapter 4

"_No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." - C.S. Lewis 'A Grief Observed'_

Janet looked at the man her friend had become. Childish and bitter were the words that seemed to float to her mind. She had followed the team to the door and closed it behind them. Crossing her arms she simply stared at the man who used to be Daniel Jackson. She looked at the expression on his face searching for hope of finding her friend and as she looked she found nothing there. The Daniel she knew would not have pulled such dirty looks at the people he called friends. Well maybe except for Jack and only then when he had pushed that bit too far and often was softened by the bond of the oddball friendship the two of them had.

Now there was nothing there. She watched as Daniel simply stared out of the window. There wasn't even a spark of joy or even inquisitiveness in his features. Janet knew that Daniel wouldn't be happy with the news she had to tell him. The reasons why she had permission to be here and why Jack and the others were not far behind. Things were not going well and Janet was seeing more casualties by the day. A new Goa'uld was on the rise and SG teams were getting either severely injured or killed. She had permission to get to work on Daniel for the next month and Jack the rest of the team were about to be given their orders from here. Daniel was needed back and they were there to get him back. Daniel looked so dead inside.

They had all felt responsible for Shau'ri as she had been an extension of Daniel for so long. They considered her a missing sister even though they never knew her. It was a depression that he had sunk into of that she was certain. Not just from this meeting but from other contacts and reports from people who had spoken with him over the year. He was family their eyes. They'd surreptitiously kept an eye on him from time to time. Airmen were sent on leave to check that he was okay and that no one was after him. Daniel attracted trouble and he knew too much about the programme to just be left alone. So here they were in a sterile ward checking up on him – again.

Janet recognized by his attitude that he may need to be placed on anti-depressants and by the looks of him possibly needed to go on a bulking up sessions with Jack and Teal'c. What was most obvious was that he needed to grieve. Of all the things in his demeanor she could tell that he had not fully grieved for Shau'ris loss. He looked so pale and gaunt in appearance that you could actually see some of his bones sticking through his skin at the ribs. It was as if he was only existing and nothing more.

"Daniel, we need to take some bloods and an MRI. I want to check the changes in you over the past year."

"What does that matter Janet? I mean really? I can understand you want to ensure that I'm alive. You've done that - BRAVO! Seriously though it didn't require a whole SG team to ensure that I hadn't died from a bump on the head"

"DANIEL JACKSON!"

"Yes?"

"What happened to you over this past year? It's like the man I knew has turned into a spoiled child. Is this what you are now? Someone that stamps their foot all because they haven't had your own way?" Janet set her hands on her hips and stared at Daniel like he was a bratty school child. "So don't sit there and tell me how you think it is because believe me Mr you are not the only one who has suffered a loss in the past year." Daniel's eyes flashed in rage but Janet put her finger up. "Ah ah ah! Enough! I've said my piece now we have tests to do and I don't care what you say Mr. we are going to get them done. Now I know you have issues with the team but your bratty tantrum with them can wait until I have finished with you! Don't make me ask for bigger needles. I know all too well how to use them effectively." She stuck her head out the door and asked Jack to get a nurse.

Daniel took one look at that determined face as it turned back to face him and uttered something he never thought he would say "Napoleonic power-monger!" He then rolled back onto his side and closed his eyes as if that would make Janet disappear.

The worst thing about sitting in a hospital is the time spent waiting. Time is ultimately the enemy when injury occurs. For injuries carried out in the field Jack was aware that it could be the difference between life and death. In Daniels case Jack was clearly aware it was just a bump on the head. After retrieving the nurse there was little else that he or the team could do but wait. It was evident that the man in that room was a reflection of the man Daniel had met when they first opened the stargate. What was actually more shocking was that the texts and phone calls revealed only a portion of the bitterness that Daniel had towards his team members. He'd thought Daniel would get over it. He'd thought this would be an easy job but as he surveyed the reactions of Sam and Teal'c there was no doubt that they had seen it too. Theirs was the task of hauling back the man inside that they had known both figuratively and literally.

As a team SG-1 functioned on communicating so to hear silence was deafening. They sat on hard plastic chairs just outside of the ward in the corridor. White paint and stone floors with just the occasional painting that looked too cheerful to be in place in the area it was set. No chairs were set in the corridor in any English hospital to allow free movement of beds and staff. That was something Jack had noted when he walked in. Relatives room couldn't be used as a family were currently occupying it – possibly waiting as well whether for life or death they would not know.

Jack shifted in his seat hearing the fake leather cushions rap off like a large fart. Teal'c simply stared at him with his eyebrow raised and his face deadpan.

"What? I didn't fart!"

"Sir, please don't start with the jokes today – I don't think this is not the time or place for it" Sam's eyes were wide and disapproving.

"Honestly that was not a fart! My fart does not sound like that. It was far too girly sounding to be a fart of a colonel of the US Airforce. I'm a silent but deadly type of person. It comes with the job description of being an Air Force Colonel." Jack sighed loudly as he rolled his eyes. Then he stared again at Sam again and he saw a small twitch at the side of her mouth. Comic relief – that was part of his skill set as the team leader. The smirk lasted for about two seconds and then died just as quickly as it had risen. He saw the spark in Sam's eyes flash and die. He'd missed that spark. It was something that made Sam so indefinitely just 'Sam'. He looked over to Teal'c and saw the extreme stoicism back in place with not one flick or twitch of the face. It was the same look that he had when they had first met only more haunted less placid in its appearance.

Jack took a breath and sighed. He looked up at Teal'c who eyebrow lifted. It was the most it had quirked in the last three months. Laughter has many properties. Jack was aware if this in all his time as a leader what a sense of humour could do for a team. The most prominent in this situation was to bring pain into sharp relief. He wanted to say something, anything to reassure the two of them that they could get Daniel back but there were no words of consolation. He heard Sam sigh as well. This was going to be a long wait. He looked back to the clock on the wall and back to his watch as if that action could provide something to do. Nothing happened. The gears of the watch just kept turning. Yep! This was going to be a long wait.

Daniel walked steadily up to the door of his single room. The vampire of a nurse had taken his blood while Janet watched. Then they'd turned and left him on his own. Janet had had asked a British doctor to give him a prescription for painkillers but for some reason he hadn't been given the all clear to get out of the hospital. it was eerily deceptive and reeked of an intervention that only Janet would be capable of pulling. It hit him with the power of betrayal. it was as if someone had taken the last person whom he trusted outside of the team and taken them over to the dark side.

Daniel had taken a quick look up and down the corridor on which his ward was based. The hospital had been divided off into single rooms and communal wards. His floor was a combination of the two. Daniel looked up and down the corridor for a second time to see if he could see what was now SG-1. He could see no sign of Jack Sam or Teal'c. He walked back into his room shaking his head as he walked. He couldn't see them but it did not mean that they were still there. His heart seized with grief at the thought of Shau'ri's murderer only a few feet away from him and he wasn't able to do anything about it.

Daniel started to desperately scrabble about the room for his clothes. Panic and grief overriding his senses with great alacrity controlling his every action. He wasn't happy about this at all. Why send a full team for Daniel - in fact why send anyone at all for such a minor injury when Janet could confirm over the telephone?

"They're trying to bring me back! They want to drag me back to all that misery!" The words once spoken out loud only enforced the weight of the truth in his mind and panic became the overriding emotion. Daniel turned and looked in the mirror above the utility sink next to the door. He could see a man not of confidence but of fear and panic. It was etched plainly in his features as his hands began to shake. He stopped as he listened for the noises outside in the corridor. He could hear the noises that the staff made small soft footsteps and voices with British or Irish or Scottish accents but no sign of an American voice. 'Now" his thought ran rampant about his head. 'I have to move now or else they will drag me back'. He dove into the tall wooden bedside cupboard that stood like a sentinel next to his bed and reached in for his clothes.

He looked at the shirt that he had been wearing and saw that if was gashed with a small amount of blood. That was the thing about head wounds - bled like a devil but painful as sin. He winced as his wound reminded him of this. Even patched up he could feel pull of the stitches that had been so carefully put on his head. He felt his breath shorten and mind began to feel agitated. The thought of going back and the reasons for having him back began to run like a broken record around his head. The panic set in and his breathing became laboured. Daniel thought for a second that he was going to die. He ran over to the oxygen mask that had been sitting on the ward and turned on the nozzle next to his bed. Breathing deep slow breaths his breathing slowed as his mind received the one thing he was craving – air. It had felt like a heart attack coming on but these days panic attacks were nothing new. They just ruled the moments when he was awake and helped him to wake him up when he was asleep. As he regained some control, Daniel's mind began to focus on a plan. He pushed the button for the nurse. Crawling back into bed he called for the nurse. After about 15 minutes the nurse arrived in.

"Mr Jackson?" The male nurse had wandered into Daniel's room. He was about 25 years old with a buzz cut and blue scrubs on. His name badge identified him as 'Michael'. 'Great' Daniel thought. 'Guys are so much harder to flip than girls. This is going to be hard.'

"Do you have any scrubs or a clean top I could have. My top is covered in blood and I don't feel like sitting in the infamous gapless gown any longer than I have to. My lower regions are colder than Antarctica." He saw the male nurse wince at the mention of his crown jewels. "C'mon man. You know how bad these gowns are and I can't go anywhere until my doctor clears me. I just want to warm up." His nurse looked like he was thinking it over. Walking over he checked Daniel's chart. "Okay Mr Jackson, let me see what I can scrounge up for you. Haven't you got some visitors who can help you with this sort of thing?" Daniel's face darkened but he shook his head "Sorry no those people are not my friends. They are here on official business for the museum. I'm kinda cold here. Please?"

The nurse looked him over and nodded. "Hold on mate. Give me 20 minutes and I'll see if I can scrounge up some scrubs for you. Don't leave your bed until the lovely American doc clears you okay?" Daniel smiled gratefully. "Thanks Michael! I'll not move from here until you get back. Then I'll just pop into the restroom here and change."

"Sure mate see you in a few!" With a small nod Michael was out the door. With a smile Daniel grabbed his coat and wallet out of the side locker next to him. He was fine and he would continue to be fine until he got home. As he slipped out of the ward and down the staff exit away from prying eyes, Daniel knew that he could only get away for so long. Little did he realize then that the people around him whom he trusted now in England were the people that had been paid to watch him as well for much more dangerous intentions as other people wanted the archaeologist for their own purposes. As Daniel ran out of the hospital his well-paid shadow went with him.

A/N: Can I just apologise for the wait. I really had a hard time with this one as it just would flow. Between real life and everything else the muse did not want to cooperate. I will try not to leave it as long next time.


End file.
